how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I could make wine with my vomit
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
