she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize