Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
