lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
