your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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