So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
