just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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