my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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