Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
