Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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