Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
