My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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