So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
