Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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