i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
