i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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