So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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