kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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