you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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