Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
