Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
