My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
