Don't make out with my wife yet
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
