JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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