So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
