You smell like stripper and shame
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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