im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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