Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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