So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
