come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's shark week go big or go home
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
