So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
