apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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