When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
