A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
