How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
