i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
