Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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