is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
