did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
