She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
