Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
