You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
