Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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