I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
