Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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