They should really pass out barf bags in church
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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