thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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