A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
