There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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