Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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