I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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