"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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