She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
