Are we in a gay sports bar?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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