I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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