i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
