im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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