I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
