drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
