Having a random hookup so left but love u
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He passed out mid-signature
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
third nipple confirmed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize