Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Randomize
