I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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