if i can run in heels then i can drive
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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