I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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