New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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