please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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