someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
