i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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