We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
