That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
