he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
