i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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